An English Professor wrote the words…
“A woman without her man is nothing”
…on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote:
A woman, without her, man is nothing.”
Some girls will be like, “I want a guy who will protect me.”
But this same girls have been ignoring the security men and gate men in their area.
I don’t believe my big sister is this foolish, not until one day when our parents told us to go and spend Christmas with one of our uncle in Lagos.
We have never been to Lagos before so our parents wrote down the home address of our Uncle on a piece of paper and gave us a live chicken to give him for Christmas.
Immediately we got to Lagos, the chicken just flew out from my Big sister’s hand! But instead of trying to chase after the chicken, she just said, “Don’t worry David, the chicken won’t go far because it doesn’t know the way to Uncle Jo’s house, I have the address.”
Your girlfriend used your picture as her profile
pix, just bcoz her real boyfriend is asleep, by
d time her real boyfriend wakes up, she can't
change d pix, due to network problem, so she
decided to change her status to R.I.P
BROTHER!! What Will You Do..??
GIRL: Honey, where are you?
.
BOY: I’m at the bank.
.
GIRL: OK. I need N25,000 to make my hair, N50,000 to go shopping and N100,000 for my pocket money.
.
BOY: Baby, I mean I’m at the bank of a river. Do you want fish?
Ochuko and Akpos were approached by a zoo owner to get lions for his zoo and that he would pay 2 million each for a lion.
.
The two men went into the forest in search of lions, at the end of the day they found nothing and decided to make a camp in the bush.
.
The next morning Akpos woke up and saw 300 lions surrounding them.
.
“Ochuko wake up! WE DON HAMMER!!!”
.
One word for Akpos?
A lawyer died and was delivered into the devil’s hands. “You will be spending eternity here, but I’ll let you pick your own room from three I’ll show you,” the devil said.
In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. “I don’t like that,” said the man. “Show me the second.”
In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. “Well, that’s better than brick,” the man said, “but show me the third.”
In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee.
“I’ll choose this room,” he said.
Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.
Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, “OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads.”
All you guys/girls who told your Ex girlfriend/boyfriend that you can’t live without them… when is your burial ceremony coming up?
The look nigerians give when they see Spain's throwing tomato festival
An old couple was just about to go to bed when the husband realized he left the lights on in their backyard poultry. Then they heard voices.
Three robbers had broken into the poultry. Scared, they called the police. The officer on duty said he would send a policeman as soon as one became available as they were all out on active duty. The old man waited for a few minutes and called the police again.
He said, “Don’t worry about sending an officer, I shot the armed robbers and now our dogs are eating their bodies!” In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the policemen asked the old man, “I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them.”
The old man replied, “I thought you said, there weren’t any policemen available.”
A pretty woman was driving down a country road in her new sports car when something went wrong and it broke down. Luckily, she happened to be near a farmhouse. She went up to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. When the farmer answered, she said to him, “It’s Sunday night and my car broke down! I don’t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?”
“Well,” said the farmer, “You can stay here, but I don’t want you messing with my sons, Peter and Nelson.”
She looked through the screen door and saw two men standing behind the farmer. She judged them to be in their early twenties.
“Okay,” she said.
After they have gone to bed for the night, the woman began to get a little hot just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly went into their room and said, “Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?”
They said, “Huh?”
She said, “The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.”
She put them on the boys, and the three of them went it all night long.
Forty years later, Peter and Nelson were sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Peter said, “You remember that woman who came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?”
“Yeah”, said Nelson, “I remember.”
“Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?”
“No,” said Nelson, “I don’t care.”
“Me too” said Peter, “Let’s take these things off jor!”
AKPOS: How far na for our discussion, you no go follow me go?
SEYI LAW: I Don’t think so. I’m just to occupied these days.
AKPOS: Na wa for you o. You dey fall my hand too much. No yawa na.
SEYI LAW: Whatever. Go look for someone else please, but Akpos, why don’t you speak English? You always interact with pidgin English.
AKPOS: Meaning?
SEYI LAW: I’m using English and you are replying with pidgin English.
AKPOS: I see…. You must be an idiot and if you aren’t, you’ve made a world class effort at simulating one. I feel debased just knowing you exist. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprohagic cloacal parasitic pond scum. Goddamn living emptiness like you! Belligerent barratrous bigoted niccompu
SEYI LAW: Wetin be all this one na?!!!
AKPOS: So you can speak pidgin English too?
This morning, Akpos packed all his things
and was about to leave when his father confronted him,
"where do u think you are going?"
Asked d father.
Akpos replied "Am going to the prison". For what?
Akpos ans "Am tired of sipping garri everyday in this house,
I heard that federal government budgeted
N14,000 to feed each prisoner daily."
The father said "Pls wait for me, am going with you"
An old couple was just about to go to bed when the husband realized he left the lights on in their backyard poultry. Then they heard voices.
Three robbers had broken into the poultry. Scared, they called the police. The officer on duty said he would send a policeman as soon as one became available as they were all out on active duty. The old man waited for a few minutes and called the police again.
He said, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the armed robbers and now our dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the policemen asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them."
The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any policemen available."
